10 Things I Would Tell the Girl I Was Before My Stroke

Sometimes I think about the girl I was before May 30, 2021.

She knew she had an AVM. She knew there were risks. But she was also living her life and never really believed a stroke would actually happen to her.

I wish I could sit down with her now. Not to scare her or tell her what was coming, but to tell her some of the things it took having a stroke for me to finally understand.

Here are 10 things I would tell her.

1. Stop trying so hard. People aren't paying that much attention.

Seriously. Stop worrying so much about what everyone else thinks.

You don't have to look perfect. You don't have to say the right thing. You don't have to prove yourself to everyone. You don't have to make decisions based on how they might look to somebody else.

The truth is, most people are too busy thinking about their own lives to spend that much time thinking about yours.

Wear what you want. Post the picture. Take the trip. Say no. Say yes. Change your mind.

People don't care nearly as much as you think they do. And I mean that in the most freeing way possible.

2. Stop waiting for the "right time."

There is always going to be a reason to wait.

More money. More time. A better schedule. Someone to go with you. The perfect opportunity.

Stop waiting!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

One day, your entire life can change without asking your permission. I know that now in a way I never wanted to learn.

If there is something you really want to do, figure out how to do it.

3. Appreciate your body before you have to relearn how to use it.

You don't think twice about picking something up with your right hand.

You don't think about getting dressed, doing your hair, walking across a room or doing a hundred other little things your body does every day.

One day, you're going to understand just how incredible those ordinary things are.

Appreciate your body now. Not because of how it looks, but because of everything it allows you to do.

4. Take the pictures.

You're going to look back at pictures and realize they aren't about whether your hair looked good or whether you liked your body that day.

They're proof that you were there.

Take pictures with your family. Take pictures with your friends. Take pictures when you travel. Take the stupid selfies.

One day, those pictures will mean more than you realize.

5. Your plans are allowed to change.

You have an idea of what your life is supposed to look like.

It's not going to look like that.

And that doesn't mean your life is over.

Some dreams will change. Some will disappear completely. And you're going to discover new dreams that you can't even imagine right now.

A different life doesn't automatically mean a worse life.

6. Tell people you love them.

Don't assume they know.

Say it.

Call your mom. Hug your dad. Spend time with your family. Tell your friends what they mean to you.

Life moves quickly, and sometimes everything changes in a single day.

You will never regret telling someone you love them.

7. You are stronger than you think you are.

I know everybody says this.

But you have absolutely no idea what you're capable of yet.

There will be days when getting out of bed feels like an accomplishment. There will be things you once did without thinking that suddenly take everything you have.

And somehow, you're going to keep going.

Not perfectly. Not without crying. Not without getting angry.

But you'll keep going.

8. Stop comparing your life to everyone else's.

This one is going to become even more important after your stroke.

There is no timeline you're supposed to follow.

Someone else's career, relationship, body, house, family, success or recovery has nothing to do with yours.

Your life is yours.

And eventually, you're going to learn to be proud of progress that nobody else can see.

9. The little things aren't little.

Moving a finger.

Holding something in your right hand.

Taking a trip.

Getting through a hard day.

Laughing until your stomach hurts.

Sitting with people you love.

You're going to learn that some of the smallest moments in life are actually the biggest ones.

Pay attention to them.

10. You're going to become someone you don't know yet.

This is probably the biggest thing I would tell her.

There will come a point when you have to say goodbye to the person you thought you were going to be.

And it's going to hurt.

You're going to grieve her.

But you're also going to meet another version of yourself.

A woman who survived a stroke. A woman who learned how to fight for herself. A woman who shares the parts of her life she once might have hidden. A woman who travels, writes, speaks up, takes chances, and understands how quickly everything can change.

I wouldn't tell the girl I was before my stroke to be afraid of what's coming.

I'd tell her to live.

Stop trying so hard.

Stop worrying about what everybody thinks.

Stop waiting for life to begin.

Because you only get this moment once.

And you have no idea yet just how much life you're capable of living.